What a bargain

I’m used to receiving “free” offers in the mail, but rarely is a company—especially one as large as Direct Energy—as upfront about just how much free is going to cost me. I’m not even sure why they bothered putting the asterisk there; it seems pretty clear even from the large print that I’d have to be pretty daft to take advantage of this offer.

Bonus: I have no idea what Bucknuts are or how they allow Direct Energy to offer “competitive energy solutions.” They really don’t sound like something I’d want to burn for heat in the winter.

So I see-um

Says the blurb about these stylish insect-proof pants on MEC’s web site:

These breathable and lightweight bug pants are made of economical, airy, and bug-proof 100% polyester no-see-um mesh, and provide a very effective deterrent against bugs.

Now I’m no expert, but no-see-um mesh or not, I’m pretty sure that I can-see-um right through those airy pants. Fortunately, the official product picture on the manufacturer’s web site is a little more explicit about proper wardrobe etiquette when wearing mesh pants.

Picture (sans model) from MEC’s product page.

Free air guitar

This sandwich board in front of Up To You on Queen Street East has been one of my favourites for a couple of years now. One of these days, I’m going to have to get over my fear that I’m just not hip enough and actually go into the store. What would I do with a new air guitar anyway? I barely use the one I already have.

Shamu the Beetle

Love ‘em or loathe ‘em, you’ve got to admit that small cars like the Beetle and the Smart lend themselves to some pretty nifty customizations. I saw this one in midtown three weeks ago and wasn’t the only one taking pictures. Although it has a Florida licence plate, one commenter on Torontoist says that this car lives not too far from Bayview & Eglinton. That puts it only a few blocks away from the Drywall Doctor’s office. The neighbourhood would seem to have a very high density of unusual cars. I’m going to have to explore more extensively some day.

Fruity billboards

My recent encounter with lolbananas reminded me of a brief craze a few years ago for third-party advertising on fruit. In the late summer and autumn of 1998, ABC ran ads on bananas (including ones destined for Canada), while Global covered the local apple market. CBS ran ads on eggs a couple of years ago but third-party advertising on food still seems pretty limited, especially considering how ubiquitous it is elsewhere in daily life.

Amusingly, “Global’s got it” has been immortalized as a brand of fruit on the web site of a German fruit sticker collector.

Incidentally, I regard the pictures in this post as perfect justification for being a packrat, both digital and analog. Somehow, I knew that I’d have some use for these dumb labels in the future. The scan of the banana label has migrated along with the rest of my data through ten years, having originated two scanners, four computers, and at least eight hard drives ago. Similarly, the negative for the apple picture has been sitting in my archives for all that time, waiting until today for me to scan it. But I don’t keep absolutely everything: Risa should be thankful that I don’t have the actual 10-year-old apples and bananas still hanging around in my collection.

Supermarket finds: lolbananas

If there’s one complaint I’ve always had with fruit, it’s that it just isn’t interactive enough. I mean, it just sits there on the counter for a day or two and then gets eaten. How boring is that? It’s so old fashioned. If only, I’ve frequently thought, my fruit not only nourished me, but entertained me too. My attention span has gotten so short that I can barely take one or two bites of even the best fruit before I drop it and go searching for some shiny baubles.

Chiquita to the rescue! With three simple letters and a domain name emblazoned across the label, they’ve put the URI back in fruit. This banana is my key to the fun and gut-busting laughter that I’ve always wanted fruit to provide. So it was with great joy and anticipation that I sat down with my banana and aimed my browser squarely at eatachiquita.com. Sadly, there was not a single LOL to be found on the site. I couldn’t even find a snort, smirk, or meh. I guess I’ll have to stick with lolcats for my daily lulz.

I still don’t get how this is supposed to encourage me to eat more bananas in general, never mind Chiquita bananas specifically. My local supermarket doesn’t get it either: two days after I bought this bunch, all of the Chiquita bananas in the store had been replaced by Del Montes.

My search for a complete fruit experience continues.

You say you want a revolution

Furthermore, the sign on the front of the store in Guelph proclaims that this is the Original Boxed Meat Revolution. To which I must admit, unboxed traditionalist that I am, that I was unaware of the existence of a revolution, never mind competing revolutions. However, given that national boxed meat chain M&M Meat Shops emerged from nearby Kitchener, the whole area would seem to be a real hotbed of boxed meat.

Greenwashing

This is just about the most egregious example of greenwashing I’ve seen. Fifteen per cent less plastic is still 85% too much.

Interestingly, Nestlé’s advertising in the U.S. claims that the bottle contains 30% less plastic, which I suppose is an example of greenwashing even more egregious than the Canadian claims.

The world has changed. You can too.

I just saw an interesting WWF-Canada commercial on TV. The spot is a series of vignettes of activities that have been considered normal at some point in the past: unrestrained kids jumping around and playing in a convertible moving down the highway, a doctor lighting a cigarette for a pregnant woman, a man patting his secretary’s behind after she brings a drink to his desk, and so on. It ends with the message, “The world has changed,” and a shot of a man in a suit carrying his bicycle out of his townhouse and starting his ride to work. “You can too.”Brilliant. This is exactly the kind of message needed to counter the head-in-the-sand viewpoints of people like Case “people won’t get out of their cars” Ootes and Roger “if you’ve got $1.8 million to spend I think you can find something better to spend it on than bike racks” Anderson. A few of us already think that those two should be on display at the ROM.The TV spot goes with a print campaign that echoes the “society has changed” idea and features the tagline, “Not long from now, the way we’ve been treating the planet will seem just as wrong.” We can only hope.

Free rip-off!

The helpful people at CashMoney are offering an innovative new product: pre-paid debit cards. Yes, for just $1.99 to activate the card, $1.99 to reload it, $0.50 per debit transaction, $1.99 per ATM transaction, and $2.50 per month, you can have the convenience of a debit card just like all your friends and “start spending life your way.”

But wait just a minute; “pre-paid debit card?” Isn’t this wonderful and innovative product just like a bank account? When you open a bank account, aren’t you also activating your new debit card? When you withdraw money at an ATM, aren’t you depleting the pre-paid balance on your debit card? When you make a deposit to your new account, aren’t you essentially reloading your debit card?

An average month of 2 deposits, 4 ATM withdrawals, and 4 debits would cost $16.44 with a CashMoney debit card, versus $4 at Royal Bank, $3.90 at CIBC, or $0 at PC Financial. Even if you find yourself in the vicious cycle of payday loans, you’re far better off taking the money and walking across the street to the bank to use their services rather than loading up your CashMoney debit card. Surely it’s not so hard to get a bank account these days that a CashMoney “pre-paid debit card” is filling a legitimate need.

I assume that the “free” offer mentioned on the sign above waives the activation fee, but preserves all of the other fees. MoneyMart also offers a debit card which is just as big a money pit as CashMoney’s.

It’s amazing (not in a good way) that these things are still available in Ontario.